I promised myself I wouldn’t write in my wordpress until I completed all of my Monday assignments, but- well… I am not doing anything right now. I am taking a short break so that I can get the juices flowing. I hoped that by now something would have happened outside of my school work, and because it hasn’t I’m starting to get very disappointed in myself. I put a lot of faith in ‘things happening.’ It makes me sick just thinking about it. I’m going to post one of my assignments below, and get my hands busy with something. This is just a first draft, and I wrote it in one go. After correcting it, it should be perfecto. The assignment itself isn’t worth that many points, and because you did not read the papers I did in order to write the essay it won’t make much sense, so you may scroll down past it…
S.F.D uses mental techniques to channel the shitty first draft, where as W.D talks about visual techniques. Although very different approaches, they both focus on doing what Susan refers to as a mind vomit.
W.D. says that writing first drafts should be a chronological process, starting with lists and outlines of a particular subject, and then working for a minimum of one hour with out correcting or perfecting your draft. In contrast, S.F.D puts no time limit on her draft. S.F.D focuses solely on her past experiences with writing to create new, terrible first drafts. Because she used so much detail, I was able to relate to her and I adopted her technique better then I had W.D’s.
Weather or not I prefer S.F.D or W.D is based on my own struggles with writing. So because W.D. was and is not helpful to me does not mean that it is not full of great information. It is probably suited for someone with a more sensory learning style.
Both essays can be extremely beneficial to writers, as they touch base on active, reflective, and sequential learners. An active learner would be more likely to use methods from the S.F.D, where as a sequential learner would be more likely to use methods from the W.D. Luckily, reflective learners can find a happy medium in both essays! They both offer constructive learning methods, and process well with an array of writers both good and bad.
The rest of my assignments are as follows: one, rough draft expository essay, 3rd person. One, j.p on this weeks class. One, j.p on a childhood event. One, j.p with the title “Coal and Embers” or “The Uninvited Guest.” One, j.p summarizing a film of your choice. One, personal dictionary. Five, exercises from College Reading. I used my wordpress entry last night for my free write due Monday, and completed the eighteen chapters required for Mondays reading class. I also did my contrasting paper on drafts, which is posted above, and that is about that. It feels good to get it all down on paper. I will update if ‘things happen,’ but that seems highly unlikely now. Big fun.
Okay. I am going to write this here and see everything unfold. I’ve been pretty impersonal with my wordpress because being personal has gotten me into trouble.
Acting out for my own personal gain and rewarding myself for saying mean things was never right of me and my whole blog about Clit Ripper proves this. Because of that blog, I have lived an Ian-less life.
Starting school again has allowed me to focus on other things. And thats good! I’ve never been so grateful or so proud of myself.
Now I am going to omit any names in this blog except for two and I only know their first name. And really, after one paragraph of introduction I’m not sure why I am writing this at all, or if it will be published or saved to the archives. I want to explain this without getting mad or scared.
Last week when I wrote my j.p on Ian and I, I started to have nightmares and had to get into bed with my parents. Last term I wrote a fairytale about what Ian referred to as ‘the holy trinity’ (the father, the son, and the holy ghost). It was my interpretation of us at the time.
Anyway, to get us back on track… as the majority of you know (and I’m speaking to people who know me), Emma and I are no longer friends, and that is all I’ll say about that. Another friend of hers, Elliot has started talking to me and here is what has been said:
Elliot Jan 25, 2008 11:52 PM
‘you complete me… seriously i was so excited when i saw you… i wanna talk you to a lot because i’ve never talked to you before i want to sooo bad even if i am really creepy’
Rain Jan 26 2008 10:43 AM
‘thats tight!’
Elliot Jan 27, 2008 12:20 AM
‘So i’m not trying to sound like a sarcastic asshole when i say i want to talk you to… it kinda sounds like i mocking you or something when i think about what i said but Anyway how are you… i’m sad i never got to know you when you and emma were friends and i really really really really have wanted to know about you……….. and actually i met you once like two or three summers ago at this girl named Sierra’s party iin her back yard over the summer and i think you were still at Da Vinci.. anyway i met you then and i just realized that like 3 seconds ago’
Rain Jan 27, 2008 12:34 AM
‘this is probably understandable, and i am hoping that it is, but i dont trust you. i dont want to butt heads or anything because you seem pretty nice but i dont trust half of the people i am friends with. its too out of the blue for me to feel safe about it, but if you still want to talk then okay i will.’
Elliot Jan 27, 2008 12:41 AM
‘It is very understandable based on what you probably think you know about Emma and i XXXXXXXXXXXX. and um if you don’t trust your friends then i guess thats your own deal but i do still want to talk. not about anything serious just in general… but it would also be understandable if you didn’t. so that’s fine too.’
Rain Jan 27, 2008 12:44 AM
‘okay. well are you going to ask me questions or are we going to get coffee? is this a myspace thing?
im really interested in talking to somebody about general stuff.’
Elliot Jan 27, 2008 12:47 AM
‘It could be a coffee thing if you wanted! but it could also be a myspace thing also… i just really like talking to people who don’t know the situation i’m in or the people i’m friends with that well because then they aren’t biased at all and usually have a better outlook on things because like… they aren’t swayed by a mutual friend or something. how abotu for question number One… where do you currently go to school?’
That is the gist of it. I left out a section of Elliots message for privacy, which is where the X’s are. I am worried because I don’t want to be mean to someone with good intentions. At the same time I don’t want to get pulled back into that state of mind. And on a third note, I do feel pretty lonely. It would be so nice to talk to someone who is genuinely interested. This might prompt me to act like a more courteous, and more trusting human being.
I really liked the message about coffee/where I go to school, etc.
If I am hurt somewhere in the process I will look back on this, and I will have recorded that I smiled and hate myself. I’m not sure. I have a very bad feeling about it but I’m so sad being all by myself without people to talk to. I never want to trust a person ever again. I just want to be the best person that I can be, and my inability to trust people gets very very in the way of that.
Soooo this is probably good enough for now. And I’m pleased to say that it works perfectly as one of this weeks j.p’s. One down and four to go! I am very happy that I talked about this and very very happy that it went along school guidelines and can use it as a homework assignment. I hope that I was not out of line in writing any of this here and if that is not the case, that someone will tell me.
EDIT: I’ve actually covered fourteen chapters of the text! I’m very happy with myself but I’m still thinking about certain boys. I can’t go into much detail but I think I’ll be cured of it if I keep focusing on my school work.
EDIT: I decided to go THE Ghostface show at PSU last night. Before anyone got there I was exploring the campus and I found a graph of a ice peak in the arctic but it looks strangely like a penis entering a vagina. Anyway we smoked weed and on the way home I got Taco Bell.
